Author: Tim Morris

The Standard of a Man

Tim Morris 2 Comments

From the moment that my wife and I found out that we were going to have a son the rest of my week became a mix of emotions. The first emotion that swept through was excitement. I have always wanted a son and the thought of having my oldest be a boy has always been a dream of mine. (Not that I wouldn’t have loved a little girl, but you know what I mean.) Shortly thereafter, the excitement was replaced with the thoughts of what it takes for me to teach my son to be a man. How do I help him become more than a grown up male? How do I teach him to become a Real Man?

Along the way, as I ran down this thought, I realized I did not have a great idea for my self and began taking to heart the things that I was learning as they played out in my own life. It was sobering for me. I would like to share with you a few of the assumptions that were underlying for me and the results of my thought process with you in hopes that it might be useful to other fathers.

A Few Conclusions

  1. My Son will not always want to talk to me. I have this dream that my son will always talk to me, but instead of wishing that be the case I figure that it would serve me better to assume that there will be a time when this will not be the case. It was for me. I am just going to plan on it.
  2. Structure provides a place for awkward conversations. I am speaking of those talks that most parents dread. Sex, masturbation, drugs, drinking, etc. I am not addressing those right now but as you will see I am setting up a context that those conversations fit into. If they fall within the structure I believe that my son will better understand how those decisions relate to the rest of his life.
  3. Numbers are essential. I am referring to the community of men that I ask to be involved in my son’s life, what I call the “Enlistment of Service”. This is important for three reasons: I want to place before my son role models that he can watch throughout his life, I want him to have men he knows are invested in him that he can ask for counsel and when he becomes a man I want him to be among Men. This last one is not to say that being able to stand next to your dad as a man is not powerful but a community of men, I believe, is even more powerful.
  4. What I place before my son to pursue, I must pursue with him. I have tried to figure out how to illustrate for my son that this is something that we are both pursuing. I choose to do this by framing the definition of a real man twice. One goes in his bedroom next to his bed and the other next to my side of my bed. My hope is that he grows up seeing them and I can show him that we are both pursuing the same thing.
  5. My son needs me to be proactive. I know that there are men who are true men and never had a father who taught them this stuff but I believe that my son has a greater chance of learning this at an earlier time if I intentionally teach him then if I leave it to the world. I do not trust the world, I want him to learn the truth and I believe, as his father, that is my responsibility.

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Self-Discipline and Self-Control: The difference and why we need both.

Tim Morris 3 Comments

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I should not speak for everyone so I will speak for me. I need more discipline in my life. It seems as if I ned to continue working at just about everything – relationships, fitness, learning, diet, and the list goes on and on. The thing is I do not have the mental capacity to do everything at the same time. Maybe you do. I seem to need to focus on one thing and then once that is where I want it and it can be maintained then I can proceed to the next thing. This has really been a measuring rod for me to show my priorities. Where do I want my time and energy? Ok so enough of my sad story.

I always hear about self-discipline and self-control. Each has it’s place but it is the distinction between the two can help tremendously.

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Where does your money live?

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Money will always have a home. Said another way, money will never be homeless.

To be homeless is not to have a residence. Well money always has one of those, it always has a place. Money has this peculiar ability to always find its way to be used. It is either making more money or gaining you more stuff. Whether you have $5 or $500,000 it will have a home. the question is not where will it go but where will you put it?

The truth that money reveals is something that many people spend a lot of time trying to hide. If you follow where you place your money it will show you where your priorities lie, and in what order. What are your top priorities? Or maybe I should ask it more directly – Where do you put your money?

Most people worry about how much money they have. I tell you this – Worry instead of where you place what money you do have. If you place it well, you will suddenly find that you are having more of it. Always being concerned about how much money you have will leave you in a perplexed place when you look at your priorities, at least from the way I suggest. When you gain perspective what you do not want is to find that money is your top priority. Let’s face it money is not the most important thing in life.

Bottom Line – You want to find out what your priorities are and in what order they lie – look at your bank statement.

How’s your Foundation?

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Source: Mickey G Ottawa

As we begin looking at a Leadership Trait each week we are starting off with INTEGRITY. It seems appropriate as it encompasses so many of the traits we will be looking at in the coming weeks. What do I mean? Lets check it out.

While most people look at integrity and define it as the quality of absolute honesty, truthfulness and uprightness of character and moral principles, this is a definition is inspiring and challenging I believe it is off the mark. Do not get me wrong, it is accurate but for only one of the definitions that apply to the word.

I prefer to highlight this from a different angle. If you look it up integrity also means “the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished.”

When you look at integrity this way and apply it to your life it encompasses way more than just truthfulness and honesty. It now encompasses all of life. In every way are you whole?

Lets look at these three terms a little closer: whole, entire, and undiminished

  • Whole. This means that you are full, no gaps. When you look at your life, inside and out, there can’t be anything missing. In every aspect you would be whole. Think about it this way, it is not just being honesty but without honesty you are not whole. It is not all about working hard when no one is around, but without a strong work ethic you would not be whole. Something would be lacking. To be whole, to have integrity, means that you are complete and not lacking.
  • Entire. Again this focuses on having every element needed. If you have courage but lack wisdom, you have no more integrity then the guy who is an enthusiastic but selfish friend.
  • Undiminished. While the first two look at integrity from the positive perspective of not lacking anything, this seems to show the reality of the other side. It may be grim but the truth is that you are diminished. When you lack integrity there are cracks, weak spots that can break. The integrity of a leader needs to have the same solid foundation as it would for a high-rise building. If you have a crack now then it must be fixed before you move on toward adding skills to sharpen your influence.

Lacking integrity is much more than not being honest. When it comes down to it, integrity means that you are lacking nothing, your foundation is secure. You are ready to be built upon that foundation anything you are desire.

You want to build a foundation that will last. If a storm comes and the structure crumbles you can rebuild it but if your foundation causes the mess it can be unrecoverable.

Getting Personal

What are you lacking? What is the crack in your foundation? Your attention must be focused here so that the foundation does not break and cause devastation because you lack integrity. Will your foundation last? What can you do to ensure your foundation is laid correctly? In what ways can you keep your integrity intact?

It can sting to answer questions like this honestly but the profit will far outweigh it. And remember the profit is directly correlated to the brutality of your honesty with yourself.