A Flag Covered Casket

Have you ever really thought through the association between honor and sacrifice? For some it is all to real, sudden, and unavoidable. I am not sure where your mind may go with that but let me tell you were mine goes. This past Thursday my Father and I attended a viewing in New Jersey. Let me explain…

My Father is a retired Police Officer of 25 years on the street in a city that, well, it ain’t Mayberry anymore. My Dad never really sought to pursue rank or rise to chief, he wanted to stay on the street. Which he did for over 20 years. My Father was a cop among cops and has the scares, broken bones, newspaper clippings, and peoples lives that he has saved to prove it. He was, and is, no joke. After he turned 40 he became interested in joining the SWAT team and at ae 43 earned a spot on the team, where he served for a number of years.

During this time, I grew up and saw my Dad do many different things, I was intrenched in this part of his life. I remember times when he came home after a fight, busted up or with his arm in a cast and I would help by unlacing his boots and help get his bullet proof vest off. Talk about a kid thinking his Dad was a superhero. That was me.

One of the most memorable times during this was when a Police Officer in the city of Philadelphia was killed in the line of duty. My Father took me out of school and had me accompany him to the funeral. He wanted me to see what honor and sacrifice looked like. (I think he knew then that I was going to be in the Marines, even though I didn’t yet.) I remember trying to count the number of Police Officers that came to show HONOR to this man, to the profession and to his family. It seemed as if there were legions of them. I remember seeing cars from states as far out as Colorado. The funeral procession looked like a parade with pomp and circumstance. I will never forget that.

A number of years later my Dad and I drove back to New Jersey to be present with a high number of Police Officers that were all present to honor and give their respects to a man who had died. It was a little bit different then what I remember from the funeral in Philly. He was not killed in the line of duty, it was cancer this time. He was 42 and left behind a beautiful wife and what I believe to be, at the time, a 5-year-old son.

Badge 3443

My Dad knew this Officer through SWAT. He was on the SWAT team from the neighboring town and they trained together when different teams get together to train for big “jobs”, which they carried out together.

When I was a child I did not understand the things of men, though my Father sought desperately to teach them to me. He knew that though he wanted to shield me from the hardness of life, that is what tempers a man. Now I am no longer a child and have seen sacrifice as it is paid on the battlefield and in the most grueling training of preparation.

As a child I saw the highest of honor paid to a man and understood little of his sacrifice and that of his family. I saw the numbers of men who came and saw the uniforms in which they dress themselves for the highest of occasions in row upon row and my mouth was left open and my mind wondering because I could not grasp it.

Years passed and as a man, I witnessed and took part in showing honor to a man and his family. Not because the masses were that of legions but because there were dozens of men present who were on the SWAT team with this man, who had trained with him doing the same drills countless times to prepare for the highest of risks. I was there to show honor because I understood it and was able to hold my head high in hopes that I might be counted among them who serve and have served well. But the whole while my hands and eyes were held low because, as a man, I understand the sacrifice that goes along with honor.

While we all were grateful the honor we could bestow we were broken for his wife and his son. As a man my mouth now is closed and trembles, my mind now grasps and prays, my hands now weaken with gentleness and with all confidence salute a closed casket.

This young man, 5 years old, may not ever have some of the memories that I have had with my Father. While that breaks my heart I pray that those who are around him remind him often of the honor that he witnessed that day, remind him daily for if he forgets that honor the sacrifice that he understands so well at so young an age will overwhelm it and honor will seem like such a little thing.

The true depth of sorrow will come when a man remembers only the greatest of sacrifices without the honor that they were made for.

Live honorably and the sacrifices will be many, but the honor is always worth it. ALWAYS!

The Conquest of Fear

We think of courage at times as this thing that young boys have as they try to skate board of the roof into the pool. They might make it or not but what courage they have. Rubbish. Let’s look at what courage is really and how it plays out in our lives. Yes, I said our. You do not need to be on the front lines of combat or in the X-games to have or show courage.

Understanding what is consistent with a man of courage is of utmost importance. Are you ready for this – FEAR. Without fear you are neither brave nor courageous. You are foolish. Fear plays a healthy part in our lives. It can be a deterrent to keep us from making very large mistakes, but many times the fear that paralyzes us is not that fear. It is a fear that can be beaten, overcome. We just have to know how. That is where the courage comes in.

While we all agree that men of courage are hard to come by now one wants to be labeled the opposite. “The absence of Courage is a fault that few are willing to confess.” We all understand that we want courage but how do we grasp it, how does it become part of us? To do so we must understand its relation to the one thing that is consistent in all men and is always present with the one those full of courage.

“Courage is not in the absence of fear but in the conquest of it.”

Understand this – “The brave man is intelligent, he faces danger because he understands it and is prepared to meet it.” You see courage is not some blind foolishness, it is the tried and trained preparation that accompanies the one who has an intelligent grasp on the dangers that could befall him. This then leads way to conquer that fear with courage through the preparation.

We can not fall into this mess of life where we think and believe that having courage is doing something that others are too scared to do. To have true courage means that you have studied, prepared and then with complete understand of not only the risks but also the rewards. Have weighed the fear and found it wanting on a scale against something of higher value, whether that value be moral, monetary or of the feminine persuasion. 🙂

So lets be honest with the world for  a second. Have you ever truly studied a risk, weighed it and found it wanting? Have you understood the danger and in its face stood strong, moved forward to see it conquered and then held in your hand that glorious destiny that allows you to be mentioned among the few. Among those that we look up at in legend an myth who have such courage.

Are you brave? Are you courageous? Are you truly heroic?

Start small. in what ways can you make a small step to conquer fear in your life today?

(All Quotes from Sermons to Young Men by Henery Van Dyke)

Make a decision already!

Stop taking so long to sit and think about everything that may happen, could go wrong or will most likely not ever take place and just make a decision. We have to make decisions and do so readily awaiting whatever the results. This is hard but it can be learned. It’s called Decisiveness.

So what exactly is it? I would define it as being able to make decisions in a quick and accurate fashion. In our current culture it seems to me that people are on a come back in making decisions. For a while it seemed that people ran from decisions because of the shouldering of responsibilities that came with make them.  I am pleased to see that times are changing. If you do not see the same thing, may I suggest that the circles you are traveling in are not of the best at the moment.

Here is the thing. Decisions do carry responsibility but the only way you become more accurate in making decisions is making decisions. Go figure, right? Okay so the crowd I consistently interact with seem to have no problem making decisions. In fact I have identified a few things that are mentioned that I believe keep them making decisions and not shying away from the responsibility that comes with them. I think they would be helpful here.

  • Almost anything can be adjusted. The reality is that while we may feel or think that what you put into effect is permanent but it is just the opposite. Making a decision allows you to move forward but does not mean you can not side step in the future. Making decisions keeps the project moving. The momentum will not subside if you have to readjust as you go.
  • 85% is Spectacular. One of the biggest things that paralyzes at the crossroads is the idea of perfection. So many seem to stop and wait for the perfection of their work or the circumstances to catch up to them. Forget it if you are at 85% of perfection then make a decision and keep moving. You would be surprised how much gets adjusted as you go. When you continue moving forward and make the tough call the responsibility of it will help you make up for a few last percentage. Lets be honest – perfection is not often held nor is it easily maintained.
  • Responsibility is up for grabs. Most people who are seeking promotion inside a company look first at opportunities to gain authority or power. When you are able to make decisions look for opportunities to make them. When responsibility is up for grabs, take it. Remember they go together. People with authority will always be delegating and they are looking for people willing to make the decisions for them. (This is not necessarily a good leader, it is just what seems to be in abundance.) Make sure not to confuse the two. Go after the responsibility.

All leaders, good ones, learn to make decisions. No matter where you are in the journey, you will have a crossroads not to far in your future. Do not sit there to long. Keep moving, change along the way if you must, stop waiting for perfection to hit you in the forehead and run hard after the responsibility.

The Loneliness of Leadership

This is one of those sad but true things that happen when you become a leader. Leadership can be lonely and at times you feel as if you are completely alone. When this happens what do you do? Where do you turn? The answers to these question make a huge difference.

Why are Loneliness and Leadership connected?

There are a few main reasons that this seems to be a pattern. I know there may be more but these few are consistent. Continue reading